If relationships are good, life is good. If they are bad, life stinks

But let's face it, good relationships don't just happen. They require intentionality, take lots of hard work, and entail a lot of time.

So here are my top five tips on having great relationships at home and at work.

1. Get rid of the two biggest relational destroyers: pride and selfishness

These are two sides of the same coin. They are ugly twin sisters and have no place in a relationship.

2. Figure out what makes the other person tick

One of the best ways to do this is to engage the people you're attempting to relate to in various personality profiles.

Have you ever said of another person, "I just can't figure her out!" Or have you had others say of you, "I have the hardest time working with him. We just don't see things the same way." Many times it is simply a matter of personality, the way you're wired, what makes you tick.

Personality tests are lots of fun and a great way not only to help you figure out others, but yourself, as well. A book I've enjoyed and would recommend is Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself, by Florence Littauer.

3. Somebody take the lead

We've all seen relationships fall apart that could have been avoided if someone would have just taken the initiative to start a conversation and work toward reconciliation. But pride and selfishness creep in and keep both parties from stepping up.

If you're the leader, lead. It's that simple.

This has a lot to do with servant leadership. Positional leaders will never do this because they only lead from a position of authority or some title they wear. The reason servant leaders are the best leaders is because they are secure enough in their person that they don't need position.

He was Lord but it was not beneath Him to wash His disciples' feet.

Dr. George Powell

4. Make the decision to communicate

How many relationships remain unhealthy and often crumble simply because of a failure to communicate? Here are a few communication helps.

Talk less and listen more. One of my favorite quotes is: "Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would have preferred to talk." And a very important note, while you're listening, listen with the intent of understanding, not responding.

Learn to ask good questions.

Choose peace making over peace keeping. Peacemakers choose to talk it over while peacekeepers choose to stuff it down. This means you have to get comfortable with confrontation.

Seek first to understand before being understood.

Avoid "you" statements and words like "never" and "always".

5. Be big enough to ask for and extend forgiveness

Or mature, if you prefer that word. In life, you're going to get hurt, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Regardless, forgiveness is the oil of great relationships.

The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest.

A saying quoted in the piece, author unknown

So, do you desire to be a great leader? Then focus on relationships. They will make or break your leadership.