I moved seats because of the draught, and did not explain why. So of course they assumed it was them
Just recently I was in one of my favorite places working on a couple of projects. I was sitting pretty close to the door and felt the draft every time patrons came in and out. Being kind of cold natured, I decided to find a different seat.
As I gathered up my belongings I thought to myself, "I should probably say something to the two ladies sitting near me why I'm moving so they won't think they're the reason." Failing to listen to my intuition, I didn't say anything.
Sure enough one of them spoke up, "I hope we are not the reason you are moving. I hope we haven't been too loud." To which I said, "You know, I was just thinking I should probably tell you why I'm moving so you won't think you are the reason, but I decided not to."
As I thought about that brief exchange, I thought about how often this is true in life and leadership. How many times, because something was left unsaid, did it lead to hurt feelings, a misunderstanding, wrong conclusions, and numerous other unfavorable outcomes?
How many times, because something was left unsaid, did it lead to hurt feelings, a misunderstanding, wrong conclusions?
Dr. George Powell
So what is it you need to say
Are you a parent? Maybe a son or daughter is developing bad habits or showing signs of disrespect.
Do you have friends? Maybe one of them is starting down a road that will only lead to painful experiences and they just don't see it.
Are you a leader? Do you have people that work for you? Maybe there is a pattern of behavior you are noticing in an employee that needs addressing. Or maybe they said or did something that you can't quite figure out why.
Are there people in your life who truly look to you for inspiration and direction? Maybe they need a word of encouragement or some prodding to get them moving in order to realize their full potential.
It's odd that I'm even writing this article because I've been one of those people who have hesitated to say something when something should have been said.
Why do we do that?
For many, they just don't like the conflict and uncomfortable conversation you're opening the door to, so you avoid it at all costs. For some, they fear rejection and think to themselves, "If I say something, they won't like me any more." For others, they simply don't care enough to muster the emotional energy it will take to engage in the conversation.
Experience has taught me, in most cases, it's better to speak up and say something rather than let things simmer and turn into something bigger than what they really are.
So here are just a few principles I'm trying to live by when it comes to speaking up. Care enough to confront. Believe that what you have to say matters and will make a difference in someone's life. Others need and want your perspective. Better to bring the matter into the open and deal with it than leave it in the dark and let it get worse.
And the other side of the coin
Now, however, before I finish this article, here is some great advice I've received on the use of our words. I share this because on the other side of the coin are those who have no trouble whatsoever expressing how they feel.
If that is you, ask yourself these four questions before you speak. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind?
So, make that phone call, initiate that meeting, engage in that conversation. Clear the air and keep the lines of communication open.
Ok, I've got to go. I just thought of someone with whom I need to go have a conversation.
Dr. George Powell
Pastor of Abundant Life Church in Portland, Oregon, and an independent coach, teacher and speaker certified with the John Maxwell Team.